Independence Day

Happy 4th of July! I sincerely hope that everyone is celebrating this anniversary of our nation's independence by partaking in the customary drunken consumption of German sausages while setting off Chinese pyrotechnics and insisting that these are as American as a fruit pastry popularized long before our country existed. It is our right, honor, and duty as citizens of the greatest country in the developed world to celebrate the incredible and unmatched level of freedom our forefathers fought so hard to establish.

USA! USA! USA!

In preparation for today's festivities, which involve a great deal more sunlight than I am used to, I decided to pick up a new pair of sunglasses. Determined to buy only the best, I made sure to browse the spinning rack at the gas station for at least 5 minutes. My diligence payed off:

Horatio wished his glasses were this cool.

Pleased with my new purchase, I donned the glasses and proceeded to fill my car with dead dinosaurs. After completing the refueling, I entered my vehicle, where my passenger (who was  not a prostitute, and most definitely not a discount prostitute) pointed out a feature I had not before noticed:

Huh.

This confused me a great deal. Most possible explanations were easily ruled out:

• While certainly excellent sunglasses, I could not imagine they were of the proper material or design to be worn in combat, ruling out the possibility that these were some sort of military surplus. 
• Unless that particular gas station was running a very unusual and prohibitively dangerous scam, they were not intended to be given out freely as some sort of recruitment incentive. 
• The U.S. armed forces as a whole are a little too protective of their image for someone to get away with some sort of unlicensed knockoff.

That left only one possibility: The United States Army had, for some unknown reason, decided to enter the commercial sunglasses industry, which made about as much sense as the DMV trying to market a line of footwear.

Yeah, so I guess that's a thing.

But hey, as nonsensical as it was, at least I could count on the fact that the U.S. Army would be too proud and protective of their reputation to allow their name to adorn sub-par glasses churned out by cheap child labor overseas. The Army logo was out of place, sure, but it meant I was wearing quality, American made sunglasses!

...oh.

Avengers Assemble

The Avengers

The Thing:

If you don't know about The Avengers, then I recommend you stop reading this and catch up with your family. I mean, I appreciate your dedicated readership, but really, this is not the first thing you should be doing when coming out of a coma.

Why it is Worth Your Time:

Because this:



is one of the least awesome action scenes in the movie.

And this:



is just a taste of the incredibly well written, directed, and acted dialog.

Not convinced? Here is some more:



At lets not forget what is, in all honesty, the biggest draw of the film:

This.

Also, this.

And we can't forger that.

Why People Will Tell You it Isn't:

Most folk I talked to before the film, fans of the comics or not, seemed concerned that the movie was basically going to be Tony Stark is Awesome featuring guest appearances by the Avengers. Given that Iron Man is Marvel's most popular film franchise by far and the fact that the trailer seems to feature him quite heavily, its not an unreasonable concern. I mean, Tony "Iron Man" Stark is a fantastic character and Robert Downey Jr. portrays him flawlessly, but all the properties and actors involved have merit and deserve screen time.

However, having seen the film on opening night, I can assure you that everyone gets their fair share of the action and dialog, with each character's arc working in tandem to create a greater whole. And if you can't take my word for it? Who cares!? If I am wrong or lying, Tony Stark is Awesome featuring guest appearances by the Avengers WOULD BE AWESOME.

The Eighth Rule

Rule Number Eight

Be Careful What You Ask For… You May Get It:

Can you remember when you were a kid (maybe you still are) and the goals you worked so hard for, to become a teenager, to get your first kiss, to drive a car, to own a car, to get out of the house and get your own place…. Now look where you are! Feeling old, wishing you were younger, bitching about the high cost of insurance and gasoline, never getting enough (if any) vacation time, trying to make enough money to pay the bills! Too many times we let our impulses direct our future, don’t get married just because the sex is good, don’t ask for fortune it may cost you time to smell the roses, asking for fame may cost you your loved ones. Maybe the old K.I.S.S. method is a better idea than we thought…

"I want to grow up to be a real Hollywood star!"

"...yay?"

To be entirely honest, I don't have a lot to add to this one. Literal Genie angle aside, this rule taken straight is the one I most wish I'd known way back when. There's nothing quite as depressing as realizing you have buyers remorse over shit you would have killed for as a kid.

4/20

"Dude, I am telling you," Steve lifted his reddened eyes from the sandwiches he was making to look at me. "You have to try it. You can't knock it until you've tried it."

"Yes, actually," I responded, turning my attention back to the vegetables I was cutting. "It is my right as an American citizen to criticize anything and everything, regardless of my experience with it."

My burnt out coworker shook his head and sighed. "I guarantee you will dig it if you try it. And it is way safer then the legal shit you do!"

"Seriously?" I said, again looking up from my work. "You are going to give me that line?"

"What? Its true!" He responded firmly.

"Fine," I set down my knife. With my growing frustration it was probably unwise to be holding it. "Listen, first and foremost I want to point out that I have no qualms with you choosing to partake in the old 'weed', as it were." Yes, those marks represent me making air quotes with my fingers. "However, I am sick of hearing potheads tell me I am wrong for choosing alcohol and tobacco over their precious 'pot'" More air quotes.

"But it is totally better! It won't give you lung cancer like cigarettes, it doesn't impair your driving or memory like alcohol, and its not full of processed chemicals like the both of them!"

"Really?" I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Yeah, it doesn't have the same carcinogenic properties as tobacco, but its still not good for your lungs to smoke it. You would have to be an idiot to think that inhaling any kind of smoke is a good idea. As for your memory and ability to drive? Sure, alcohol fucks both of those up pretty fierce, but so does your precious THC. Newsflash! Getting fucked up on anything when you are about to do something that requires alertness is a stupid move. Still think the all natural angle is a selling point? Chances are your dealer is selling you some glass, lead, and possibly even Viagra along with the product." I took a deep breath and steadied myself. Ranting tended to get me a little worked up. "Like I said before, if you want to do it I am fine with that, but you have to acknowledged that all drugs, legal or not, are in some way bad for you."

A long pause stretched out as Steve stared at me blankly.

"Dude," He said finally. "Weed isn't a drug. Drugs are like, manufactured and stuff. Its a herb."

Not Pictured: Drugs, apparently.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" I looked around, hoping desperately that Ashton Kutcher was going to appear to let me know how thouroughly 'Punked' I was.

"Why did you do the air qoute thing? You didn't even say anything,"

"Shut the fuck up Steve." I snapped, resigning myself to the horrible reality of the situation. "You seriously believe that? God damned penicillin is derived from a fungus, does that mean it isn't an antibiotic? Is it really better described as a mold?"

"Penicillin comes from mold? Man, I didn't know that is where it came from. I throw away tons of moldy food! That makes me even more pissed off that my doctor wouldn't give it to me. I mean, with all the mold to make it out of, why isn't there enough to give me some for my cold?"

Next thing I remember I was two states away and covered in blood. Rage blackouts are a bitch.

Rusty Nail

Happy Thirsty Thursday everyone!

Drink:

Rusty Nail

Recipe:

1 shot Scotch Whisky
½ shot Drambuie
1 Lemon Twist

Fill an Old Fashioned glass with ice. Add Scotch Whisky and Drambuie. Stir gently until glass appears frosty. Garnish with Lemon Twist and serve.

Description:

Delicious

A solid and simple drink, the Rusty Nail is made with two fairly common spirits, few frills, and absolutely no bullshit. The warmth of the Scotch plays well off of the sweetness of the Drambuie, leaving you with a drink that can please a wide range of drinkers. These properties make the Rusty Nail a fantastic staple drink for most folks, as you would be hard pressed to find a bar so poorly stocked as to not have the ingredients or a bartender inept enough to mess it up.

And you don't even need to have your shots up to date to drink it, making it superior to it's namesake in almost every way.

Variants: 

Served "Up":

Want to class up this cocktail? Why? It's called a Rusty Nail for fuck's sake. Regardless, those that have a misplaced sense of propriety and "class" like to order this drink served in a stemmed cocktail glass.

Ice:

A lot of recipes call for crushed ice instead of ice cubes, or even for the drink to be served straight up (without ice). Really a matter of personal preference and availability.

Donald Sutherland:

The Canadian version of the Rusty Nail, the Donald Sutherland replaces Scotch Whisky with Canadian Rye Whisky. Which is kind of hilarious, considering Donald Sutherland is of Scottish decent.

Graffiti

The bathroom at one of my favorite establishments.

Santorum

Happy Thirsty Thursday everyone! This week's drink is brought to you in honor of Rick Santorum finally realizing that pulling out is not a sin.

Drink:

Santorum

Recipe:

1 shot Baileys Irish Cream
1 shot Orange Vodka
1 dash Bitters
Chocolate Flakes

Shake Baileys Irish Cream and Orange Vodka over ice. Pour into a cocktail glass. Add dash of Bitters, garnish with Chocolate Flakes, and serve.

Description:

Created by some clever barkeeps in Brooklyn, this drink is named for a filthy, disgusting affront to morality and good taste, and also the byproduct of anal sex. 

While they freely disclose the contents, the clever bartenders seem not to have shared the recipe (not that I can find anyway), so the above is simply my best guess. Given that they don't let me in Brooklyn anymore (long story), I have not tried the original.

Despite its stomach-churning namesake (as well as the whole anal sex thing), the Santorum is a sweet, pleasant drink, sure to please anyone who loves both milkshakes and booze.

Variants: 

Like I said before, I don't know how the creators make theirs. Want the real deal? Guess it is time to take a trip.

Cutting Edge

I don't think this was worth 30 bucks 6 years ago when someone may have actually wanted it

Hangman's Blood

Happy Thirsty Thursday everyone!

Drink:

 

Hangman's Blood

Recipe:

 

1 shot Gin
1 shot Rum
1 shot Whiskey
1 shot Brandy
1 shot Port
5 oz Stout Beer
~4 oz Champagne

For best results, chill all ingredients beforehand. Add Gin, Rum, Whiskey, Brandy, and Port to a chilled Pint Glass. Add 5oz Stout Beer (Guinness Draught or Extra Stout works well). Top with Champagne.

Description:

 

Yeah, its kind of like that.

Not to be confused with the medical treatment and/or diagnostic tool of the same name, this cocktail goes down much more smoothly than it's high liquor density would have you believe. Much like the Long Island Iced Tea, the components of the Hangman's Blood come together to form something much more refreshing and palatable than the sum of it's parts. Mind you, being more refreshing and palatable than an unholy concoction of almost every common type of alcoholic beverage is not setting the bar very high, so don't expect to be sipping on a  pop soft-drink  here.

However, do not let the taste and texture fool you; this drink earns it's ominous name with a hefty portion of hard liquor and dark beer. With approximately 6 standard drinks worth of alcohol, only the foolhardy would consume more than one.

Editor's Note: Didn't you drink four of these last weekend?

Variants:

 

The Hangman's Blood was first described to the masses by Richard Hughes in his novel A High Wind in Jamaica as:

"compounded of rum, gin, brandy, and porter... Innocent (merely beery) as it looks, refreshing as it tastes, it has the property of increasing rather than allaying thirst, and so once it has made a breach, soon demolishes the whole fort"

Anthony Burgess, famed author of A Clockwork Orange (which, incidentally, he considered one of his lesser works), gave us a more precise recipe:

"Into a pint glass [568 mL], doubles [i.e., 50 mL measures] of the following are poured: gin, whisky, rum, port and brandy. A small bottle of stout is added and the whole topped up with champagne... It tastes very smooth, induces a somewhat metaphysical elation, and rarely leaves a hangover."

While I appreciate his recipe as the basis for the modern Hangman's Blood, I must attest that his last claim is simply false.

Seriously.

The Papa Doble

Happy Thirsty Thursday everyone!

Drink:

Papa Doble

Also known as the Hemingway Daiquiri, among other names.

Recipe:

2 1/2 jiggers White Rum
2 fruits worth of Lime Juice
1/2 fruit worth of Grapefruit Juice
6 drops Maraschino Liqueur
Shaved or Cracked Ice

Fill a blender 1/4 full of Shaved or Cracked Ice. Add White Rum, Lime Juice, Grapefruit Juice, and Maraschino Liqueur.  Blend on high until contents appear light and cloudy, or as Hemingway himself would describe it: “[The] frozen daiquiri, so well beaten as it is, looks like the sea where the wave falls away from the bow of a ship when she is doing thirty knots."*. Serve immediately in a cocktail glass. Hunt u-boats with your personal sport fishing vessel.

*as said by the character Thomas Hudson in Hemingway's Islands in the Stream

Description:

Ah, Ernest Hemingway. A man of action, a man of wisdom, and, perhaps most importantly, a man who enjoyed alcohol.

I have featured one of his signature drinks before, and that post already contains a fairly accurate description of my views on the man so I will spare you any long winded rants here. On to the drink!

Like most slushified drinks, this sucker is pretty sweet. Perfect for relaxing at a beach-or-pool-side bar on a hot sunny day. As a bonus, this drink's origins make it pretty much the only drink of this type a man can order without compromising his masculinity.

The Seventh Rule

Rule Number Seven:

If you’re not living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space!

 

Ever wish you took more vacations, or spent more time with the kids, or caught that movie while it was still on the big screen, or jumped out of that airplane and slowly drifted to the ground? Hopefully your life doesn’t have too many moments like that but if it does maybe you are spending too much time taking up space and not enough time pushing the limits. You can sleep when you die there is far too much going on now to let even a moment of this short life slip through your fingers. Make sure every moment of your life is filled, and not with reruns of Giligan’s Island. Life is out there go catch it!

XKCD agrees

This rule serves a very similar purpose to #5, in that it defends and encourages appreciating the good things in your life and keeps you from missing opportunities to make wonderful memories. However, the danger here is not letting your obligations and responsibilities overshadow the simple pleasures of the world, but rather letting apathy and personal comfort keep you from expanding your horizons. At its core, its a warning against spending all day staring at a screen (or a page, if you are old fashioned), passively consuming because its easier then what you really want to do.

It is, perhaps, the most relevant and important rule on the list, especially in these modern times where amusing, but ultimately hollow, entertainment sits prominently in the center of the living room, directly across from the bed, on the desk in the office, in the side of your bag, and now even in the bottom of your pocket.

However, it is imperative that you do not follow it.

Even if you disregard the dangerous advice in this rule (why jump out of a perfectly good airplane?),

"This seems unwise." -Every Reasonable Person Ever

wasting time for hours on end is exactly what this site and those like it are for, and the people who make them depend on both your social isolation and boredom for their livelihood. If you go out and start seizing the shit out of your day, you are depriving someone of their income and contributing to the destruction of an entire industry. During the middle of a recession you should be creating jobs, not helping to eliminate them! Why do you hate America!?

So, please, look deep inside yourself (eww, not that deep, back it up a little), and pass up those potential adventures so you can keep reading about them on the internet.

John Dies at the End

The Thing:

Winner of the "Most Informative Title, Ever" Award

John Dies at the End is a horror comedy novel written by Cracked Senior Editor David Wong, and now also a movie of the same name by famed Phantasm and Bubba Ho-Tep director Don Coscarelli.

Why it is Worth Your Time:

I want all of you to think of the funniest person you know. No, not me, someone you know in person (Though if you do have the privilege of knowing me in meat-space, I'm probably your best choice). Now think of the person they always hang out with. You know, the one that is still pretty funny but more level headed and reasonable then the other one. No, not Jim, this one has to still be at least a little funny.

Editor's Note: James, if it takes numerous character flaws and crippling addictions to be "funny", I am quite happy without the distinction. 

Now imagine if those two had psychic powers and they fought the supernatural.

That is pretty much the premise of John Dies at the End, and if it didn't immediately make you want to read the book then you are officially dead inside and may be completely incapable of joy. Add to that glorious premise the writing talents of accomplished internet comedian David Wong and you have one of the most entertaining pieces of media you will likely ever see.

If the written word isn't really your thing (in which case, what the fuck are you doing here?), there is also a movie (currently on a film festival circuit, no idea when/how most folks will get to see it).

That, kids, is what happens when cult film hero Don Coscarelli applies his liberal horror comedy directing talents to an already fantastic work of fiction, and it is glorious.

Why People Will Tell You it Isn't:

Because they hate you and want to do everything in their power to deprive you of happiness.

Seriously though, as much as I love John Dies at the End, I must admit that it isn't for everyone. The language tends to be harsh and the jokes are occasionally crude, so if you are uncomfortable with the word "fuck" and references to male genitalia, you might want to avoid it (and again, what the fuck are you doing here?). Furthermore, while the emphasis is definitely on the second part of horror comedy, the first word is not overlooked. Some freaky, messed up, and outright graphic shit happens, so if you are faint of heart or weak of stomach it might not be for you, as its awful hard to appreciate a punchline while hiding and/or vomiting.

Rock me like a

Drink:

Hurricane

Recipe:

1 part Dark Rum
1 part White Rum
Passion Fruit Syrup (to taste)
Lime Juice (to taste)

Shake ingredients over ice. Serve over ice in a hurricane glass (or plastic cup for street revelry).

Description:

No.

There we go.

Given the ballsy and ridiculous nature of the New Orleans' French Quarter, its not terribly surprising that one of the most popular drinks to originate from the area would be named after the city's most frequent natural disaster.

A favorite of Mardi Gras revelers, this daiquiri derivative is a very sweet drink. Often served in a plastic cup instead of the traditional hurricane glass to take advantage of New Orleans open container laws (open alcoholic drinks can be consumed in public, but not out of a glass or metal containers), the Hurricane is perfect for the occasion.

Pictured: The occasion

Variants:

The drink is also popular in Bahamas, where it steps up the rum to 151 proof and replaces the sweeteners with coffee liqueurs, Irish cream, and Grand Marnier.

The Day of Saint Valentine

On Valentine's Day, countless couples exchange a special gift. No, not chocolates or flowers. This is a gift that comes from inside, not the kind that can be bought in a store.

Love?

Of course not!

Pictured: The gift that keeps on giving (until you kill it with penicillin)

That is right, today (and even more so, tonight) people will be expressing their love for thier significant other/others/pool boy/mistress/bar hookup in the oldest of ways, but may be bringing some uninvited guests along.

And no, I don't mean a surprise threesome

Here are some fun facts about everyone's "favorite" Valentine's gift:

• Women are 2.7 time more likely to receive the gift of Chlamydia, the sexes are about even on Gonorrhea, and men are 5.6 times more likely to get the gift of Syphilis. 
• Despite old folks saying youths have no moral fiber anymore, teens and young adults between the ages of 15-24 are 4 times more likely to give this gift.
• Different regions have different traditional gifts. For example, in Alaska it is an incredibly common practice to give Chlamydia and Gonorrhea, but Syphilis is a strict no-no.
• While other Valentine's Day related purchases cost about $14.1 billion in 2010, we threw $17 billion towards these gifts in the same year.

So watch out this year, folks, because your special someone might be looking to give you something new.

Again!? You never get me anything for Valentine's Day!

Sex Sells

Its no secret that sex attracts an audience, even if its not as good at hooking them as advertisers would hope. Perhaps no where is this more prevalent then in print media, with many magazine covers loudly proclaiming sexy contents.

"But James, surely you jest? Of course the dirty mags abound with sexual references, but most respectable publications are far more reserved."

Actually, surprisingly-well-spoken-voice-in-my-head, sex seems to be pervasive in magazines, and not just the likes of Playboy and Diet Playboy. To prove it, here are some recent magazine covers, with thier sexual references bounded in green squares.

Sexual References: 1

We start of with Vogue, a popular fashion magazine. Not a particularly risqué cover, but despite having no sexual content to speak of they still managed to slip one in there.

Titillating Teasers: 2

Now we have the delightful cover of Women's Health, a female oriented spinoff of Men's Health. Sexual health is certainly a real health issue, but something tells me "Sexy Abs & Butt!" isn't really the kind of thing a medical professional would prescribe. I am curious what the "BETTER-SEX WORKOUT!" is though. I must be great to warrant an exclamation point, attention grabbing text color, and liberal use of CAPS LOCK.

Also, bonus points for having an article on sexy lingerie on their site's main-page.

Sexy headlines are by no means restricted to women's magazines, however. To wit:

Scandalous Scripts: 2
Glistening Abs: 6

Men's Health, parent magazine to the above mentioned Women's Health, shows us that guys are just as prone to seeking sexy content as women. 362 of the mentioned tips are about sex directly, while 363-365 just state "Better muscles/nutrition/health will totally get you laid more".

Editor's Note: James, did you actually read any of these? I am getting sick of fact checking your ridiculous claims. MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE NOT CHEAP. 

Raunchy Readings: 3*
Cleavage: Very Yes

Ah, Cosmo. Has there ever really been a more horrible source of advice, both sexual and romantic, for would be skanks?

No.

*I counted the pink bubble in the top right, because knowing Cosmopolitan all three of those things involve boning.

Don't even get me started on their website

Geriatric Gyrations: 3**

No, that is not a photoshop; that is, in fact, the cover of the AARP's magazine. In case you aren't familiar, AARP stands for the American Association of Retired Persons which is, according to it's mission statement, "a nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization for people age 50 and over ... dedicated to enhancing quality of life for all as we age,".

That is right, this is an organization whose members are all over 50 and it focuses on the issues of an aging populace. This organization's members likely include your parents and grand-parents.

And it has as many sexual references on the cover as Cosmopolitan.

**I included "When Flirting Goes Too Far" because I am pretty sure that point is when you take your clothes off.

Now, I am not trying to say old people don't or shouldn't have sex. Hell, the group services retired people, what the hell else are they going to do with their day? However, this is a clear indication that no audience is free from the influence of sex appeal, not even your grandmother.

She very well could be thinking about the horizontal tango right now.
Good luck getting to sleep tonight.

7 and 7

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Drink:

7 and 7

Recipe:

1 shot Seagram's Seven Crown Blended Whiskey
7-Up Lemon Lime Soda
Lemon Wedge

Fill a Highball or Collins glass with ice. Add Seagram's Seven Crown. Top off with 7-Up. Garnish with Lemon Wedge and serve.

Description:

The sizes of those bottles are all wrong.

Unlike most simple two-ingredient cocktails (rum and coke, vodka tonic, screwdriver, ect.) in which only the type of spirit and mixer are important, the 7 and 7 draws its name from the use of two specific brands of beverages.

Indeed, its all but impossible to get the same flavor out of a different blended whiskey and lemon lime soda. For example:

Big K Lemon Lime Soda and Rich and Rare Canadian Whisky (Big and Rare) costs less but tastes like Satan's morning piss after a hard night out.

Sierra Mist and Bushmills Irish Whiskey (Mist and Bush) is a touch more expensive but actually tastes like something you might want to drink.

Limca and Red Knight Indian Whisky (Cultural Isolationism and Molasses) just gives you immediate heartburn.

Simply speaking, nothing can match the sheer mediocrity of the 7 and 7.

Pop Culture:

Given its nature, there really cannot exist variants of the 7 and 7. Instead, I give you a list of its many, many references in pop culture, thanks (as usual, you lazy bastard) to Wikipedia.

• In the 1973 film Mean Streets, Teresa (played by Amy Robenson) orders a Seven and Seven.
• In the 1977 film Saturday Night Fever, John Travolta's character orders a Seven and Seven.
• In the 1973 novel Stand On It, the protagonist Stroker Ace refers several times to Seven and Seven as "the drink that makes better drivers out of all of us."
• In the film Goodfellas, Robert De Niro's character orders a Seven and Seven.
• In the television series The OC, various members of the Atwood family are seen drinking Seven and Sevens. In the premiere episode, Ryan Atwood orders one at the fashion show. In "The Gamble", Dawn Atwood orders one at the Casino night. In The OC, Trey Atwood orders one at a bar in Chino.
• In the third season of the HBO series The Sopranos, in the episode The Telltale Moozadell, Jackie Aprile, Jr. orders one at the Bada Bing strip club.
• In the "Casino Night" episode of The Office, Ryan orders a "Seven and Seven with 8 maraschino cherries and sugar on the rim, blended if you can," for his girlfriend Kelly.
• In the opening scene of "The Nanny From Hell" episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm, Larry jokingly orders a Seven and Seven from the plumber working on the bar in his restaurant, leading to an awkward moment.
• In the January 30, 2007 publication of the webcomic Achewood the character Ray telephones the character Roast Beef in the middle of the night in a fit of "sleep-chillin'" to offer him a Seven and Seven.
• In the 2000 film The Perfect Storm, the ship owner refers to a Seven and Seven.
• In the 2002 tv series Third Watch Episode 212, Tatiana orders a Seven and Seven on her first date With Sully (Officer Sullivan).
• In the 2008 film Burn After Reading, Ted Treffon (played by Richard Jenkins) sits and orders a Seven and Seven after being rejected by Linda Litzke.
• In the song "Vices", by Silverstein the lyrics reference a Seven and Seven with a lime.
• In the 2010 song "7 & 7", by Turnpike Troubadours the lyrics reference a Seven Up and Seagrams.
• In the NBC comedy Community, Troy orders it as his first drink at a bar after turning 21, despite two friends having previously mocked the drink.
• In the CBS comedy How I Met Your Mother Episode 621, Jerome Whittaker (played by John Lithgow) asks for a Seven and Seven at the bar.
• In the 2010 episode of the television show Mad Men, Season 4, Episode 6, "Waldorf Stories", Joey Baird (played by Matt Long) asks for a 7&7 in the conference room when the Life cereal client cancels a meeting before the CLIO's.
• In the 2011 film Bridesmaids, Rita orders two double seven and sevens on the plane for herself and Becca.
• In the 2011 song "House of Balloons / Glass Table Girls" by The Weeknd, he wants everybody to drink some "seven on seven".

Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young Princess who lived in the Kingdom of Oak. Oak was a wonderful place, with lush forests, fertile fields, and wondrous cities. However, it had long been beset on all sides by the forces of the Dark Lord. Since time immemorial, these monsters had been held at bay by the White Knight, who fought valiantly to keep the kingdom safe.

But then he kinda got into meth and had to skip town after he knocked up a couple of prostitutes.

Without a champion, the Kingdom of Oak was ripe for the taking by the evil and insidious Dark Lord. The Princess, in a desperate bid to save her beloved Oak, sent her swiftest messengers to nearby kingdoms in seek of aid. But time passed, and with each day she waited for an answer the minions of the Dark Lord encroached further into her land. 

Finally, the fair princess had had enough.

"Fuck this noise" She said in a gentle and courtly voice. "I'm gonna go fuck some bitches up." 

And lo, she did "fuck some bitches up", and once again the kingdom was safe. Shortly thereafter, the noble Green Knight rode into the castle grounds, and asked to see the princess.

"So, yeah" He said, abiding by the highest codes of chivalry. "I headed over when I heard you had some assholes hassling you. What happened? "

"Bitch, please" The Princess responded with a curtsy. "I dropped those dumb motherfuckers like a bad habit." She then put her hands behind her back, and with a swift and graceful motion dropped her dress to the floor, revealing porcelain curves of near-immaculate beauty. "Now, are we going to fuck or what?"

"You bet that sweet ass we are!" He responded, armor already clattering to the floor.

And so they made love, for hours upon glorious hours, until both were too exhausted to remain awake and fell asleep in each others arms.

When dawn broke, the noble Green Knight awoke with a start. The beautiful princess was gone! Had she been kidnapped? Was the Dark Lord still alive and seeking revenge?The knight leapt to his feet and began donning his mail, hell bent on rescuing the Princess. In his haste, he almost missed the parchment that lay on the ladies nightstand. It was written in her hand, the flowing and flowery script addressed to the Knight himself.

"Green Stud, 

Thanks for last night, it was a lot of fun. I can't tell you how much I needed to let off some steam like that. Sorry I couldn't stick around for round two, but I had some affairs of state that required my attention.

Peace out,
Her Hotness, the Princess of Oak

p.s. There is some gold for a cab home on the table by the door. "

-fin-

Manhatten

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Drink:

Manhattan

Recipe:

2 parts Rye Whiskey
1 part Sweet Vermouth
1 dash Angostura Bitters
1 Maraschino Cherry

Stir Rye Whiskey, Sweet Vermouth, and Angostura Bitters over ice, strain into chilled Cocktail Glass, garnish with Maraschino Cherry and serve.

Description:

Perhaps the most popular of the cocktails named after New York City's five boroughs, the Manhattan is the choice drink of the big city's highest of rollers.

Suck it, Brooklyn.

A bit sweet but still delivering a touch of a bite, this cocktail is a perfect accompaniment to some insider trading chat before dinner. Just be sure not to spill any on your french cuffs.

Editor's Note: Also appeals to the residents of a small island on the coast of Germany, apparently.

Variants:

Bartenders like to show off by putting their own twist on the Manhattan, usually by making small changes such as shaking over ice instead of stirring or using different styles of bitters and whiskey. Wikipedia, as usual, has a robust list of variants, but here are a couple of the more notable:

• An early (and awesome) version of the cocktail in William Schmidt's "The Flowing Bowl" used:
• 2 dashes of gum
  
• 2 dashes of bitters
• 1 dash of absinthe
  
• 2/3 portion of whiskey
• 1/3 portion of vermouth
•  The Dry Manhattan:
• Replace Sweet Vermouth with Dry Vermouth
• Popularized by Frank Sinatra and the Rat Pack
• Which makes this variant even classier, something originally thought impossible.

Tom Collins

Happy Thirsty Thursday!

Drink:

Tom Collins


Recipe:

2 parts Gin
1 part fresh squeezed Lemon Juice
drizzle of Sugar Syrup
chilled Carbonated Water to taste
1 Slice of Orange, 1 Slice of Lime, or 1 Cherry (optional)

Mix Gin, Lemon Juice, and Sugar Syrup in a Collins Glass with ice. Top off with Carbonated Water. Garnish with a Cherry, a Slice of Lime, or a Slice of Orange and serve.


Description:

Instead of the usual description, I am going to recount to you a story. I once had an economics professor who liked to use unusual examples in his class. His example for the concept of diminishing returns went something like this:

Alright, lets say you go out one night, and you buy a Tom Collins. You drink it, and you think "Hey, this is pretty good!" and you even feel pretty good! So the next night you go out, and you buy 50 Tom Collins. This time, you don't feel so good.

Variants:

There are far to many to list here. However, Wikipedia has a nice list for you.