Sex Sells

Its no secret that sex attracts an audience, even if its not as good at hooking them as advertisers would hope. Perhaps no where is this more prevalent then in print media, with many magazine covers loudly proclaiming sexy contents.

"But James, surely you jest? Of course the dirty mags abound with sexual references, but most respectable publications are far more reserved."

Actually, surprisingly-well-spoken-voice-in-my-head, sex seems to be pervasive in magazines, and not just the likes of Playboy and Diet Playboy. To prove it, here are some recent magazine covers, with thier sexual references bounded in green squares.

Sexual References: 1

We start of with Vogue, a popular fashion magazine. Not a particularly risqué cover, but despite having no sexual content to speak of they still managed to slip one in there.

Titillating Teasers: 2

Now we have the delightful cover of Women's Health, a female oriented spinoff of Men's Health. Sexual health is certainly a real health issue, but something tells me "Sexy Abs & Butt!" isn't really the kind of thing a medical professional would prescribe. I am curious what the "BETTER-SEX WORKOUT!" is though. I must be great to warrant an exclamation point, attention grabbing text color, and liberal use of CAPS LOCK.

Also, bonus points for having an article on sexy lingerie on their site's main-page.

Sexy headlines are by no means restricted to women's magazines, however. To wit:

Scandalous Scripts: 2
Glistening Abs: 6

Men's Health, parent magazine to the above mentioned Women's Health, shows us that guys are just as prone to seeking sexy content as women. 362 of the mentioned tips are about sex directly, while 363-365 just state "Better muscles/nutrition/health will totally get you laid more".

Editor's Note: James, did you actually read any of these? I am getting sick of fact checking your ridiculous claims. MAGAZINE SUBSCRIPTIONS ARE NOT CHEAP. 

Raunchy Readings: 3*
Cleavage: Very Yes

Ah, Cosmo. Has there ever really been a more horrible source of advice, both sexual and romantic, for would be skanks?

No.

*I counted the pink bubble in the top right, because knowing Cosmopolitan all three of those things involve boning.

Don't even get me started on their website

Geriatric Gyrations: 3**

No, that is not a photoshop; that is, in fact, the cover of the AARP's magazine. In case you aren't familiar, AARP stands for the American Association of Retired Persons which is, according to it's mission statement, "a nonprofit, nonpartisan membership organization for people age 50 and over ... dedicated to enhancing quality of life for all as we age,".

That is right, this is an organization whose members are all over 50 and it focuses on the issues of an aging populace. This organization's members likely include your parents and grand-parents.

And it has as many sexual references on the cover as Cosmopolitan.

**I included "When Flirting Goes Too Far" because I am pretty sure that point is when you take your clothes off.

Now, I am not trying to say old people don't or shouldn't have sex. Hell, the group services retired people, what the hell else are they going to do with their day? However, this is a clear indication that no audience is free from the influence of sex appeal, not even your grandmother.

She very well could be thinking about the horizontal tango right now.
Good luck getting to sleep tonight.