"Yes, actually," I responded, turning my attention back to the vegetables I was cutting. "It is my right as an American citizen to criticize anything and everything, regardless of my experience with it."
My burnt out coworker shook his head and sighed. "I guarantee you will dig it if you try it. And it is way safer then the legal shit you do!"
"Seriously?" I said, again looking up from my work. "You are going to give me that line?"
"What? Its true!" He responded firmly.
"Fine," I set down my knife. With my growing frustration it was probably unwise to be holding it. "Listen, first and foremost I want to point out that I have no qualms with you choosing to partake in the old 'weed', as it were." Yes, those marks represent me making air quotes with my fingers. "However, I am sick of hearing potheads tell me I am wrong for choosing alcohol and tobacco over their precious 'pot'" More air quotes.
"But it is totally better! It won't give you lung cancer like cigarettes, it doesn't impair your driving or memory like alcohol, and its not full of processed chemicals like the both of them!"
"Really?" I sighed and rubbed my eyes. "Yeah, it doesn't have the same carcinogenic properties as tobacco, but its still not good for your lungs to smoke it. You would have to be an idiot to think that inhaling any kind of smoke is a good idea. As for your memory and ability to drive? Sure, alcohol fucks both of those up pretty fierce, but so does your precious THC. Newsflash! Getting fucked up on anything when you are about to do something that requires alertness is a stupid move. Still think the all natural angle is a selling point? Chances are your dealer is selling you some glass, lead, and possibly even Viagra along with the product." I took a deep breath and steadied myself. Ranting tended to get me a little worked up. "Like I said before, if you want to do it I am fine with that, but you have to acknowledged that all drugs, legal or not, are in some way bad for you."
A long pause stretched out as Steve stared at me blankly.
"Dude," He said finally. "Weed isn't a drug. Drugs are like, manufactured and stuff. Its a herb."
 |
| Not Pictured: Drugs, apparently. |
"Why did you do the air qoute thing? You didn't even say anything,"
"Shut the fuck up Steve." I snapped, resigning myself to the horrible reality of the situation. "You seriously believe that? God damned penicillin is derived from a fungus, does that mean it isn't an antibiotic? Is it really better described as a mold?"
"Penicillin comes from mold? Man, I didn't know that is where it came from. I throw away tons of moldy food! That makes me even more pissed off that my doctor wouldn't give it to me. I mean, with all the mold to make it out of, why isn't there enough to give me some for my cold?"
Next thing I remember I was two states away and covered in blood. Rage blackouts are a bitch.
So, are you saying you're completely against cannabis? Or against the people that, unfortunately, represent marijuana (aka stoner losers) for the most part?
ReplyDeleteI have no interest in cannabis, but I hardly find it a moral failing if someone partakes.What I am against is ignorance, especially the kind of willful ignorance people use to defend their vices.
ReplyDeleteWhen I sit down for a drink, I know it is going to stress my liver, impair my cognition, disrupt my metabolism, and probably expand my ass with the nutritional equivalent of a deep fried big mac. To me, these drawbacks are outweighed by the perks of enjoyable ingestion and inebriation. However, I am aware and acknowledge those drawbacks.
If a cannabis user is armed with the same knowledge and makes the same decision about their drug of choice, they have my full support. If they are living in a magical fairy land where actions have no negative consequences and they try to take the moral high-ground against other people's vices then they can go fuck themselves.
Also, while not representative of the population as a whole, every argument expressed in the article was one I encountered in real life. I have no illusions that it is the kind of action that can be expected of all those who use the drug, but it is representative of some of the loudest and most visible arguments you are likely to hear on the topic.
And if I used the more reasonable and informed arguments, it wouldn't have been a very funny article, now would it? :P
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