Once upon a time...

Once upon a time, there was a beautiful young Princess who lived in the Kingdom of Oak. Oak was a wonderful place, with lush forests, fertile fields, and wondrous cities. However, it had long been beset on all sides by the forces of the Dark Lord. Since time immemorial, these monsters had been held at bay by the White Knight, who fought valiantly to keep the kingdom safe.

But then he kinda got into meth and had to skip town after he knocked up a couple of prostitutes.

Without a champion, the Kingdom of Oak was ripe for the taking by the evil and insidious Dark Lord. The Princess, in a desperate bid to save her beloved Oak, sent her swiftest messengers to nearby kingdoms in seek of aid. But time passed, and with each day she waited for an answer the minions of the Dark Lord encroached further into her land. 

Finally, the fair princess had had enough.

"Fuck this noise" She said in a gentle and courtly voice. "I'm gonna go fuck some bitches up." 

And lo, she did "fuck some bitches up", and once again the kingdom was safe. Shortly thereafter, the noble Green Knight rode into the castle grounds, and asked to see the princess.

"So, yeah" He said, abiding by the highest codes of chivalry. "I headed over when I heard you had some assholes hassling you. What happened? "

"Bitch, please" The Princess responded with a curtsy. "I dropped those dumb motherfuckers like a bad habit." She then put her hands behind her back, and with a swift and graceful motion dropped her dress to the floor, revealing porcelain curves of near-immaculate beauty. "Now, are we going to fuck or what?"

"You bet that sweet ass we are!" He responded, armor already clattering to the floor.

And so they made love, for hours upon glorious hours, until both were too exhausted to remain awake and fell asleep in each others arms.

When dawn broke, the noble Green Knight awoke with a start. The beautiful princess was gone! Had she been kidnapped? Was the Dark Lord still alive and seeking revenge?The knight leapt to his feet and began donning his mail, hell bent on rescuing the Princess. In his haste, he almost missed the parchment that lay on the ladies nightstand. It was written in her hand, the flowing and flowery script addressed to the Knight himself.

"Green Stud, 

Thanks for last night, it was a lot of fun. I can't tell you how much I needed to let off some steam like that. Sorry I couldn't stick around for round two, but I had some affairs of state that required my attention.

Peace out,
Her Hotness, the Princess of Oak

p.s. There is some gold for a cab home on the table by the door. "

-fin-