"So what now Bill? You keep me tied up here until after the update is supposed to go live?" I took another long drag off my cigar. "Big deal. Given the frequency with which I am too hung over to post something I think my readership can wait a while."
"Oh no, Mr. Harper," I heard Bill say as he chuckled evilly. "My solution is much more permanent then that!" With a loud snap, a spotlight shone in the center of the room, revealing the cruel instrument of my intended demise.
Son of a bitch...
The light winked out, leaving the ninjas in the darkness they were so familiar with. The ninjas, in their element, while I find myself tied up and fresh out of pirates. I thought back to Anti-Ninja Tactics 203 (A required course for all Computer Science majors), and recalled that if you couldn't fight back, there were only two ways to ensure ninjas wouldn't be able to harm you:
The preferred method
The much, much less pleasant method
Unfortunately, I had left my robo-dracula in my other pants, and had no idea if we were anywhere near the moon. However, I did have a lit cigar in my mouth and had an open flask of Everclear in my jacked pocket.
"Damnit," I muttered, "I liked this suit!"
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