"So Mr. Harper, do you know why I have brought you here?"
"Listen, its been a long time since I got you drunk and convinced you Windows Vista was ready for launch..."
"Haha, no, not that. Windows 7 is doing well enough for me to have gotten over that rough patch. No, this is something far bigger then that." I heard a loud click, and across from me an image was projected onto the wall. "This, Mr. Harper, is the internet"
Pictured: A series of tubes
"Yeah Bill, I know what the internet is. Turns out I frequent it from time to time." Tilted my head to the side, straining against the ropes. If I could get under my left collar...
"Indeed, that is actually what I am here to tell you about. The internet is only designed to handle a certain amount of hilarity. This is the internet at its usual baseline hilarity:"
"And this is the internet shortly after the launch of Somewhat Funny Things:"
"And this is the projected outcome of launching the Somewhat Funny Surprise:"
"Holy shit." I muttered, trying to hide what I had managed to pull from beneath my collar with my teeth. "Looks like its going to be even better then I expected." If I could only strike the activator under my other collar...
"Come now James, you must realize what this means. The internet can't handle the Somewhat Funny Surprise! I have brought you here to make sure it never goes live!"
I finally managed to press on my other collar just the right way to strike the ignition. With a little tricky maneuvering I had the end of the object in my mouth lit, albeit unevenly.
"I guess," I said, pausing to take a long drag off my newly lit cigar. "I will have to disagree."
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