Hello there everyone. I hope you had a good Thanksgiving (or, as it is generally considered these days: "Christmas, Episode I: The Phantom Cultural Significance"). Now that all the leftovers are gone and the family has (finally) went home, its officially the Christmas Season!
And by that I mean Shopping Season!
(Note: For those of different faiths, fear not. Hanukkah runs December 1-9, Kwanzaa December 26-January 1, and Saturnalia December 17-23, so its not too late to consumerize your holiday of choice! Or hell, just celebrate Christmas. Its not like its really all that christian anymore.)
Editor's Note: Damnit James, don't make me send you to another cultural sensitivity seminar.
Now, maybe you are a little behind in your shopping. Maybe on turkey day you started drinking when Grandma asked why you never brought a girl around to family events. Maybe you switched to hard liquor a couple hours later when Uncle Steve asked if you were ever going to move out of your parent's house. Maybe you decided to spend the rest of the weekend in a blacked out stupor when you woke up the next morning in bed with your cousin Susan, and subsequently missed Black Friday and Cyber Monday. Its ok, we aren't here to judge, just to help.
Editor's note: That's a lie. I am actually here to judge.
So here are some delightful gifts to pick up for that special someone.
I am sure you are all familiar with the little neoprene can cozies that always seem to find themselves around redneck's bud cans. They are a fine gift for the alcoholics in your family.
But alas, you find yourself buying for someone who is too cheap and shameless even for low grade cans of beer. Those dinky little things will never protect their 40oz bottles of Steel Reserve! Fear not, 40cozies are here.
And they aren't afraid to class up the joint.
As part of a round of merch promoting her video Alejandro (No, I am not linking it. Go look it up yourself if you are such a masochist), my arch-nemesis, Lady Gaga, has released a prayer candle with her likeness.
Damn, and Jim thought I was culturally insensitive.
Its perfect for either pleasing that Gaga cultist you know, or horribly offending Grandma.
Have a ~ahem~ "special friend" out there who you might not be able to spent enough "time" with due to distance, but still want to "Satisfy" them with a special "toy"...
OK, fuck the euphemism. Are you screwing/screwing with someone who lives far away? Do you want to get them a sex toy for Christmas but won't be there in person? No worries, just drop a quick 2.99 USD and send the phone VIBRATOR app to them.
Nothing could be more romantic.
Warning: I am no expert, but I am going to guess that putting your phone against your genitals or inside any orifice is probably going to void most warranties and is likely not to sanitary.
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