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Thursday, December 9, 2010

Jungle Juice

Drink:


Recipe:

1L clear, high proof grain alcohol (such as Everclear)
3L Vodka
1L Triple Sec
8L fruit punch (such as Hawaiian Punch)
as much fruit as desired (Pineapple, apple and grapes are popular choices)
?L misc.

Obtain a large, new trash bin (or comparably sized container, varying up or down with the number of expected guests). Dice fruit and place in bottom. Poor alcohol over fruit and let sit for several hours (2-3 minimum, overnight preferred). Add juice and stir.

Special Instructions: To partake of the Jungle Juice, each guest must either pay some manner of cover charge, or contribute a portion of any drink they have brought to the concoction. Sodas, juice, clear and fruit flavored malt beverages (such as Smirnoff Ice or Mike's Hard Lemonade), and clear and fruit flavored liquors (such as Vodka) are all acceptable. Beer, dark liquors (such as Whiskey and Rum), Tequila, and Gin should be avoided, as they will overpower the mix.

Description:

Jungle Juice is pretty much the perfect beverage for a wild college party. If the instructions are fallowed as stated above, the drink will be fruity and pleasant with almost no hint of alcohol's harsh bite, which means all party goers are likely to enjoy it. The copious amounts of fruit and juice in the mix do more then just lighten the flavor though; they, along with the communal contributions of your guests gives you a lot of drink at relatively little cost. 

Watch out though. Despite the taste, the alcohol content will be quite high, and could easily sneak up on first timers and lightweights. 

An accurate description.
WARNING: You MUST have someone watching the Jungle Juice throughout the night. Take shifts if you have to, but as long as there is any left it MUST be looked after by someone WITH THEIR WITS STILL ABOUT THEM. This person is responsible for keeping track of who contributed (either with money or drink), checking their contributions (to ensure that inappropriate liquors do not ruin the taste and, more importantly, nothing nefarious is slipped into the mix), and keeping minors and those that did not contribute from partaking.

Excuse me sir, is that Bud Lite? 
Yeah? OK then, why don't you go ahead and walk away.

 Variants:

If you don't want to worry about managing the concoction all night, there are a number of prefab recipes that will give you a similar taste and can be made in advance.

Also, while not really changing the concept, the drink is called a number of things depending on where you are. Highlights include:

Hairy Buffalo 

Panty Dropping Punch
Purple Jesus

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

A Hard Day's Night

For those of you who enjoyed my morning shift, here is a gander at what things are like when I get scheduled at night.

2:35pm
Wake up.

3:00pm
Shift starts.

3:14pm
Clock in.

3:15pm-4:59pm
Work dilligently

5:00pm
Deli-manager leaves.

5:01pm
Begin slacking.

5:12pm
Interaction with female coworker.

Female Coworker: I just can't believe he would be with someone so much younger then him!
James: Uh-huh, scandalous ~continues washing dishes~
Female Coworker: I mean, I know we have been divorced for a while now, and I really shouldn't be upset about it.
James: Meh ~continues washing dishes~
Female Coworker: But, we shared a lot of years together. We had two kids together. We were a big part of each other's lives.
James: Understandable. ~continues washing dishes~
Female Coworker: And now he is with her.
James: ~continues washing dishes~
Female Coworker: I mean, I saved myself for him!
James: ~stops washing dishes~ OK, stop.
Female Coworker: What? Why?
James: I see  you maybe three hours a week, tops. We are not friends. We don't hang out outside of work, we don't keep in contact. We just work together.
Female Coworker: And?
James: And now your incessant babbling has moved beyond simply "shit I don't care about" and into the realm of "shit I actively did not want to know"
Female Coworker: ~shocked silence~
James: Now, I never thought I would say this, but could you please leave me the fuck alone so I can wash these god damned dishes in peace.
Female Coworker: ~storms out of deli~
James: Thank you. ~returns to washing dishes~

5:45pm
Female coworker returns with Store Manager. Involuntarily enrolled in workplace sensitivity seminar.

7:32pm
Begin tear-down and cleaning of deep fryer

7:47pm
Large customer rush. Store Manager called back to assist.

8:01pm
Store Manager requests help with counter. Refuse based on complexity and time sensitivity of cleaning deep fryer.

8:02pm
Officially reprimanded for using the phrase "Balls deep in this fryer" in front of customers.

9:06pm
Haul old fryer oil, trash, and recyclables to back of store for disposal.

9:25pm
Request to rename "Waste Management Area" to "The Darkest Depths of Mordor" denied. 

9:45pm
Begin drinking.

10:00pm
Shift ends.
 
10:13pm
Clock out.