That's why they call me...

1. The Working Man


Apologies for missing the update yesterday. I was busy at my first day working in the local grocer's deli. I know what you are thinking: "James, you have a wildly successful comedy blog on THE INTERNET! Why would you bother with a menial job like working at a deli?" Well, it turns out SFT doesn't really make enough to pay the bills these days, so I had to take a second gig to get out of the red.


Editor's Note: Wildly successful? Seriously? I really want to peek into the fantasy you live in. Also, I assume by "bills" you mean bar tabs. 


Its not an ideal job, but it pays cash money. 


Does this sob story make you want to take a chunk out of my financial obligations? Then make sure to keep up on SFT and make use of the donate button!


Editor's note: Really? You really just wrote that?


2. First Day


I must say, it was weird starting the new job. Never worked in the service industry before, kind of skipped right over it. Did menial labor in high school, spend the first few years of college as a programmer, then there was the whole hit man thing. I remember all of my friends with their part time jobs, complaining about odd hours and annoying customers, wearing smocks and company branded polos. Its like I missed a key part of growing up.


I wish I had continued missing it. 


Don't get me wrong, its not a bad job. The girl who is training is pretty awesome, and I actually knew her already (kinda, more on that tomorrow), its not a particularly hard job and they, you know, pay me to do it. 


However, after my first day I came home smelling like meat and with a deep desire to apologize to chickens as a species. My first duty of the day was to impale 20 raw, whole chickens on giant metal spikes for the rotisserie.

Editor's note: You want to post a picture of WHAT?

No. Absolutely not.

Then I deep fried several pounds of chicken tenders.

Then I deep fried several pounds of chicken wings.

Then I hand battered and deep fried recently dismembered raw chickens.

Point is, delis are apparently the equivalent of chicken concentration camps. I felt like avian nazi. 

Editor's note: This is the single most offensive thing you have said. And that is saying something.