In honor of a good friend losing their Dungeons and Dragons virginity this evening, today's update will be devoted to the time honored tradition of rolling dice in your parent's basement and ostracizing yourself from the bulk of your peers.
1. The First Time
You sit in a dark, cool basement, nervously sorting your strange new polyhedral dice, scanning arcane tomes filled with nearly indecipherable tables and charts, scouring your character sheet for mistakes, and endlessly questioning your dungeon master on the particulars of a strange and complex action known as a "grapple". The smell of stale chips and Mountain Dew permeates the air (along with more unpleasant odors, depending on the hygiene of your comrades) as you and your friend finally get down to business, entering a world of magic and wonder. Your unfamiliarity with the game makes it slow, and this session will likely be the longest you ever partake in. You won't mind though, for even as it is the longest, it will be the most wonderful experience you will have rolling dice. For the rest of your days you will look on it fondly.
Basically, it is exactly the opposite of your first sexual experience.
2. Gaming Accessories
New players are often overwhelmed with the immense collection of gaming accoutrements possessed by more experienced players, and depending on their passion for the game they may be eager to create a collection of their own.
However, one must show caution; for gaming is a multimillion dollar industry and products exist from the practical to the absurd. There exist dice made of metal and bone and unique ways to carry them*, should the plastic polyhedra and cloth bags seem a bit bland to you. You can even clothe yourself in the hobby*, should you so desire.
But be careful, with the average rulebook costing $35 dollars you may need to save your hard earned cash for the more essential bits of gaming paraphernalia.
*Actual use of these products in public may cause involuntary celibacy, pariah-ism, and rickets.
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