FEAR NOT, FOR I HAVE RETURNED!

Why hello there folks. Its been longer then I would have liked since I have last blessed the internet with my insightful words, but with things the way they have been over the couple last weeks or so it could not be helped.

But no more! For I am here now to grace you with some wonderful updates!

1. Celebrity deaths

Good God damn, June was a tough month for celebrities. David Carradine, Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, Michael Jackson and Billy Mays are all dead. Naturally the internet, being a haven for the deranged and maladjusted, has generated numerous jokes on the subject. While I do not condone speaking ill of the recently deceased, I feel it is my duty to desensitize you to the horrible, horrible things being spoken about these people. Therefore, I present to you an amalgam of the most terrible jokes told in the dark corners of the internet.

~ahem~

Farrah Fawcett was found hanging from the rope tied around David Carradine's junk. Upon learning of the odd scenario, Ed McMahon let out a laugh of such magnitude that an entire city block was leveled, including the hospital in which he was residing. Upon reaching heaven, God offered Farrah one wish. She wished for all the children of the world to be safe. Therefore, God took Michael Jackson. After a hard string of celebrity deaths (three in not but one week), someone mentioned to Billy Mays that celebrity deaths usually came in threes. Ever the stunning pitch man, Billy decided to throw in one more absolutely free.

2. The Forth of July

Oh independence day. Booze, illegal fireworks, ill advised acts of patriotism, ill advised acts of shirtlessness....

OK, in all honesty I do love my country, but every forth of July I am reminded of why I try not to show it. I don't want to be like this jackass:



Yes, that is a decal of an eagle ripping through the body panel. Yes, it is revealing an American flag background. Yes, it is on a over sized pickup truck. No, I am not making this up. This picture was actually snapped in the parking lot of the building where I work.

Honestly, I kind of wish it were fake.

3. Financial Success!

Somewhat Funny Things is now officially making money! Not only have ads generated a whopping $1.57, but some kind soul has made use of the donation button to infuse Somewhat Funny Things with some much needed venture capital! If things keep going like this, I might even be able to afford an upgrade to that Gerard Butler effigy I have in my closet...

Seriously though, many thanks to my readers for making this operation generate some cash, especially those generous enough to donate.