Shrimp Tacos (and other unsettling things)

1. Shrimp Taco

At the request of a reader, I will give a more in depth review of the Shrimp Taco from Taco Bell.

 I really hoped I would never have to use this picture again

Imagine, if you would, a normal soft shelled taco from Taco Bell. Not the greatest thing in the world, but its pretty hard to mess up beef, cheese, and lettuce in a tortilla. Now we are going to take the best parts of that concoction (the beef and cheese), and get those the hell out of there. Now we are left with questionable lettuce in a bland and often dried out tortilla. 

Week old iceberg lettuce isn't enough veggies though, so lets get some diced tomatoes on there, and make sure they are halfway to rotten. 

Alright, now that we have the soggy vegetables covered, lets move on to the meat. Now, Taco Bell isn't know for using choice meat, which is fine for simple fair like ground beef. Seafood? Not so much. Damn things are so rubbery I wanted to use them to tread my RC car*.

And now for the finishing touch. Taco Bell is well known for providing sauces (mild, hot, and the hilariously overstated fire) for customers to garnish their entrees with. They are pretty good, basic sauces. However, instead of simply letting the customer put one of these perfectly acceptable sauces on themselves, they decided it would be a good idea to pre-slather this sucker with the better sauce's sickening afterbirth. 

*I don't own and RC car...but damnit now I want one. 

Hello Again

My my, it has been a while, hasn't it? I must apologize, things got kind of crazy for me there.

Turns out vomiting green beer on a prostitute working the corner of Dort and Lapeer while wearing only a suit-coat and a pair of sandals and firing a pistol into the air is enough to get you a stint in jail.

Who knew?

Editor's note: James, your lawyer has asked me to make sure 

you don't put any incriminating material

in today's update.

Oh, right, I have an editor now. Jim is the newest member of the Somewhat Funny Staff to be required by the district court of Genessee county as part of a legal settlement. Everyone say hi to Jim!

Editor's note: There is no need to address me or my contributions directly in the blog. This will work best if my influence is transparent as possible. Also, I am kind of ashamed to be associated with this project.

Anyway, some great things have happened in my absence, so lets get started on today's update!

1. Fucking Hell

In what may be the most important legal battle in the continent's history, the European Patent Office had to reverse their decision denying a company the right to produce a beer called Fucking Hell. 

The reversal was made after the brewer proved that Fucking is a real town in Austria. Since the style of the beer is Helles (more commonly referred to as a Lager), Fucking Hell is not really obscene, just descriptive. 

Yes, this sign does get stolen all the time.

2. Lady Gaga

My arch nemesis, Lady Gaga, turned 24 this past Sunday. Honestly, the news came as somewhat of a shock to me; I never would have guessed that someone could develop such deep psychosis in a little under two and a half decades.

Well, at least she seems to like the gift I sent.

However, if all goes according to plan, my vengeance will be wrought upon my nemesis before she sees her next birthday!

Editor's note: James, please stop making inflammatory/threatening statements about public figures. Also, Lady Gaga is not your arch nemesis. I am pretty sure she would have to know who you are to maintain that kind of antagonistic relationship.

3. Chat Box

As mentioned yesterday, I have removed the chat widget from the site. Before you go accusing me of being a bitch in the comments section, let me note that it wasn't really the harassment of the masses that put me off to it. Someone who knows me used that medium to anonymously taunt me about something very personal.

The occasional "lol fag!" and tinyurl to goatse doesn't really bother me, but if you (you know who you are) tries your shit on this site again, I will find you.

Editor's note: Damnit James, stop posting things that will warrant a police investigation! Jesus! Also, no one gives a flying fornication about your personal issues.

Chat Removed

Apologies for the absence. Updates will resume Monday. 

Also, the chat box has been removed. The internet has hardened my heart, but I can still only put up with so much harassment. 

Skittles Vodka

Drink:

Skittles Vodka

Recipe:

1.75 Liter vodka (Commonly referred to as a 'handle' of vodka)

5x 8.5 ounce glass flasks (If you are feeling classy. Any container will do)

1lb bag of Skittles

Empty Water Bottles

Coffee Filters

This one is a little more complicated then the usual. First, ration out about 6oz of vodka into each water bottle. Separate Skittles colors, and add about 60 Skittles per bottle, using one color per bottle. Seal and shake vigorously to start the dissolving process.

Once the Skittles have dissolved completely (this could take some time. It helps if you shake the mixture periodically), use a funnel and a stack of about 4 coffee filters to filter out the white filler (you will notice it permeating your mixture as the last bit that won't dissolve). This may have to be done twice for the Green and Orange mixtures, which seem to have more filler.

Use funnel to poor into flasks, chill in freezer, and enjoy!

Description:

Departing a bit from my usual cocktail recipes, I thought I would try one of these popular vodka infusions that have been cropping up on the internet.

Its a little more work then usual, but it is pretty worth it. The solution works great, with almost all of the sweetener and flavoring of the Skittles dissolving in the vodka. Also, it looks pretty cool:

In Soviet Russia, rainbow tastes you!

Of all the flavors, Green seems to work the best. It retains the most of the original flavor. Red turned out the worst (which is a shame since it is my favorite Skittle flavor), tasting kind of like cough syrup.

Variants:

The obvious thing to change is the Skittles to vodka ratio. I myself used a little more Skittles then prescribed and found it turned out quite nice.

Also, there is debate as to the best filtering method. Coffee filters worked for me, but some argue that unbleached paper towel is the way to go. Some culinary folk even suggest cheese cloth.  

One variant I am keen to try is using one of the variant skittles types. If anyone gives it a shot let me know.

Shrimp Taco

Desire:

Some cheap fast food. Breakfast of champions.

Idea:

Hmm...New shrimp taco at Taco Bell? 

Seemed good because:

It didn't. Seriously, shrimp from Taco Bell? Awful idea.

However, I was overcome with a kind of macabre curiosity. I had to know.

Actually terrible because:

Promo image

 Actual product

Content Warning

Dear Internet,

I would like to apologize for my misbehavior. It appears as though I have been too risque for the internet, and have been reported as a purveyor of "objectionable" material. I am deeply ashamed of my craven acts of digital debauchery, and humbly ask your forgiveness.

And by ask your forgiveness, I  mean to say I ask you to suck it up. I mean, for fuck's sake people, of all the shit on the internet, someone reported this? 


Anyway, expect more objectionable content, now behind a handy content warning page.