3:23 AM
James Harper arrives home intoxicated on unknown substance
6:00 AM
Alarm rings.
6:01 AM
Alarm destroyed. Cause unknown.
6:32 AM
James Harper crawls out of bed.
7:00 AM
Shift Starts
7:26 AM
Arrives at work.
7:30 AM
Begins preparing rotisserie chickens.
7:36 AM
Told to stop using chickens as puppets and get back to work
8:16 AM
Deli paged to accept phone call. Transcript of conversation follows.
James: Deli, this is James speaking. How may I help you?
Customer: I need to order some friend chicken
James: Very good. Can I get your name?
Customer: Jack [censored]
James: And your phone number?
Customer: 810-[censored]
James: Excellent. What time would you like to pick this up?
Customer: Tomorrow at 5 ok?
James: Sure. We will have it ready for you. How many pieces would you like?
Customer: 32
James: Excellent. The full assortment of breasts, thighs, wings and legs or just the dark meat?
Customer: Better include the white meat, my wife doesn't like the dark stuff.
James: Alright, that will be $39.96
Customer: Hey, don't you try and jip me buddy! It should only be $23.96!
James: I'm sorry, what?
Customer: It says here in the ad that boxes of fried chicken are on sale for $5.99. Their are 8 pieces in a box, 4 boxes equals 32 pieces, 4 time $5.99 is $23.96!
James: Ah, I am sorry sir, but that sale price is only for the 12 piece dark meat chicken boxes. If you would like to change your order to dark meat, it will be $15.97.
Customer: Oh, well I don't want just dark meat.
James: Alright then, your total will be $39.96.
Customer: But I want the sale price!
James: Well then sir, we seem to be at an impasse.
Customer: You are going to give it to me at $15.97!
James: Really? Because if that is so not only would I be misappropriating a sale price, but I would be doing it incorrectly because, as you stated, if the sale price is applied to 8 piece boxes the price would be $23.97.Customer: What!?
James: If that is the case, not only do I lack a respect for authority and store policy, but also have an incredibly poor grasp of logic and basic arithmetic. Customer: Hey! Don't...
James: I am sorry sir, I need to go report myself for managerial review based on the highly suspect actions I have been told I am about to perform.Customer: What the [censored]
-call ended-9:30 AM
Deli phone-line found inoperable. Upon inspection it is discovered the cable was forcefully ripped from the wall.
Review of security tapes pending managerial approval.
10:30 AM
Irate and violent customer restrained at store entrance. Customer weilded a lead pipe and shouted incoherently about "Big words" and "Gypsy chicken logic".
Police contacted.
Deli employee James Harper reprimanded for laughing and making goading statements at the scene.
Police contacted.
Deli employee James Harper reprimanded for laughing and making goading statements at the scene.
11:13 AM
Deli employee James Harper no where to be found. Store director's car also missing.
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