The Thing:
This poster has little to do with the actual movie.
Still pretty awesome though.
As IMDB puts it: "A boy declares his love for his girlfriend, only to die the same night. He is brought back to life by his mother as a flesh-craving zombie, who sires more teen undead while trying to control his, er, appetite for his beloved."
Why it is worth your time:
Despite what IMDB and the poster might tell you, this movie isn't about a lovestruck kid kicking off a zombie apocalypse. No, this movie is about the worst mother in the universe.
The first chunk of the movie involves some typical high school drama bullshit. Dude likes girl but doesn't want to compromise their friendship, his buddies force him to stop being such a pussy, misunderstandings and hilarious comedic errors ensue.
Some collars get popped, you know the drill.
Anyway, our protagonist thinks he gets rejected (for anyone who has never seen a teen comedy, he is mistaken) and goes home to get blitzed. He toys around with killing himself with the noose that holds his stuffed animal (no, I am not making that up). Deciding against it, he he dies anyway when his mother busts in to turn down his music and knocks the chair out from under him.
I told you what would happen if you disobeyed me again.
I told you!
Anyway, at this point his mother doesn't break down in tears over the death of her son, or try and resuscitate him (Seriously, he fell like a foot, takes way more then that to snap a neck. CPR that bitch and he will be fine). No, instead she uses a voodoo ritual she found in a secret crypt at her job (no, they never really clarify what that is, all we know is it involves a lab coat and hanging out in a church) to resurrect her son. We get a brief montage of the the ritual before seeing our protagonist wake up.
That is right, she kills her son, steals an eldritch tome and performs a dark ritual of resurrection IN ONE NIGHT. I don't know how many dark rituals you do, but I can assure you that the 24 hour Wal Mart doesn't have a "goat's blood and sacrificial knife" department.
So this shit was just lying around or...?
The crazy old priest from her church, who I call Father Exposition because all he ever does is show up to dump critical plot info, shows up and tells her the book was incomplete and that those brought back will crave human flesh. So naturally she admits what she did, restrains her son, and works with the (clearly knowledgeable) priest to set things right?
Nope, she lies to get Father Exposition to leave and then lets her son go about his business without anything more then the occasional veiled question about his well being.
It goes about as well as you would expect.
After the whole town becomes infected and the only survivors are, predictably, the protagonist and his friends and loved ones, she FINALLY goes to the priest for help, where she lucks on the cure for zombie-ism. So the whole town is saved, right?
Nope
Turns out Generic Female Love Interest killed most of the zombies. But hey, that's not mom's fault right? She got back as fast as she could, it just happened to be slower then that girls farm implement. Yeah, except that she only brought enough cure for her son.
Did I mention the cure is a snakebite?
So, quick tally, the mom's crimes include:
1. Manslaughter (Accidentally killing her son)
2. Breaking and entering (Stealing the ancient tome)
3. Corpse desicaration (Yeah, the book was clutched in a dead guys arms)
4. Animal Cruelty (That ritual blood had to come from somewhere)
5. Bio-terrorism (She knowingly releases the carrier of a deadly disease into the wild)
6. Criminal Negligence (She allows her infected son to kill several infected while she had access to the cure)
Awesome.
Why people will tell you it isn't:
Its a shitty movie. Seriously, the writing isn't for shit and the acting is mediocre at best.
But that's the thing. Even though this tries to be a zom-com like Shaun of the Dead or Night of the Living Dorks, the jokes fall flat and the zombie action in minimal at best, its still hilarious. The bad acting, non nonsensical plot, and poor acting lead to so many unintentionally hilarious moments it is absolutely worth a shot.
Grab this dvd, a few friends and a case of beer and I can guarantee an enjoyable night.
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