Happy Veteran's Day

 1. Veteran's Day

This is not a joke, motherfucker. The fine men and women of the US armed forces, past and present, deserve your respect and admiration. If you know a vet, be sure to buy them a drink, take them out to dinner, give them sexual favors, or find them a nice card. If you know someone in active service, be sure to send them your love and respect (I hear they prefer it in the form of care packages containing food and the like).

If it weren't for these real American heroes (No, not GI Joes. Fuck GI Joe), I wouldn't have the freedom to make a complete ass of myself on the internet, and you can be damned sure you wouldn't be able to read it.

So, to all the service men and women out there, current and former, I raise my glass to you, and thank you for putting yourselves in harms way to protect the rest of us.

2. The Accursed Day Star

Ok, so for those of you not in Michigan this might seem completely normal, but right now its bright and sunny with not a cloud in the sky. On November 11, in Michigan.

What

the

FUCK!?

Its not even cold out. Did someone slip Mother Nature a roofie or something? This is like ten different kinds of wrong.

And you are all probably thinking: 'But James, its warm and sunny out, isn't that great?'

No. As an individual who only experiences daylight while nursing a hangover, I greatly appreciate Michigan's tendency to produce cloudy, cold days. If its cold as balls a guy walking down the street hunched over with a surly look on his face is just pissed off at the cold, not a hung over or still drunk. If its cloudy, the sunlight won't scorch my sensitive, morning after a party eyes.

Fuck you sun.